I loved you all along
by katjo84
Summary: SP.Songfic.This is first ever fanfic so be gentle!really appreciate feedback though   ps, i'm so sorry... song is 'Far Away' by Nickelback, really beautiful song.


Sam sat on the front row not listening to a word Jack was saying to the crowd of people. Her mind was elsewhere, thinking of the many moments she had encountered with Phil over the years. Regret was seeping into her thoughts at a very fast rate and she had no way of controlling it, if only she could concentrate on what her DCI was telling her. She shook her head to rid the thoughts but it was no use she was in deep.

_This time, This place_

_Misused, Mistakes_

_Too Long, Too late_

_Who was I to make you wait_

_Just one chance_

_Just one breath_

_Just in case there's just one left_

_Cause you know, you know, you know_

Why did I tell him it would never work? This question was whizzing round her head it almost made her feel sick. She closed her eyes and thought back to a previous Christmas party, she could almost here the sound of the music as it played the last song of the night.

' Dance with me' He sounded so charming, how could she refuse? She could still smell the aftershave he wore, feel his breath on her neck and taste his lips as they shared a kiss.

_I love you_

_I've loved you all along_

_I miss you_

_Been far away for far too long_

_I keep dreaming you'll be with me_

_And you'll never go_

_Stop breathing if_

_I don't see you anymore_

But he was a womaniser, she couldn't forget that, but he had changed…for her. Her eyes began to feel moist, blinking back the tears that were forming she tried once again to listen to what Jack was saying. But it was no use she had slipped into her dreamy state once again. She saw the look of worry and concern on his face when she told him she was pregnant. And at that moment she thought ' why couldn't it have been his?'. She relived those few agonising days when she lost everything, her boyfriend, her baby. She had felt so empty and alone, until her friend put his arms around her and enveloped her in his safety.

_On my knees. I'll ask_

_Last chance for one last dance_

_Cause with you, I'd withstand_

_All of hell to hold your hand_

_I'd give it all_

_I'd give for us_

_Give anything, but I wont give up_

_Cause you know, you know, you know_

Sam thought back to everything they had been through and laughed silently as she thought to herself ' why do I nearly always get killed when I'm with you? ' this received a few glances from her colleagues and she quickly focused her attention back to Jack. Romania. She heard that! Why of all things he was saying did she have to hear that? Suddenly she felt the fear and panic from that trip run through her as she relived her and Phil's ordeal. At least I slept with him, she thought, that was a bonus. Her heart rate quickened and her breathing shallow, she could feel him inside her once again.

_That I love you_

_I loved you all along_

_And I miss you_

_Been far away for far too long_

_I keep dreaming you'll be with me_

_And you'd never go_

_Stop breathing if_

_I don't see you anymore_

As Sam found herself being ushered outside, underneath the blanket of clouds which soaked her as she walked, she thought back to one last memory. They had received a phone call with a tip-off of drugs deal, it was going down, tonight. Sam walked across the office and perched on Phil's desk, he looked up at her grinning, a grin she will never forget. They spoke about the deal and arranged everyone into their places. Soon the house was surrounded. ' GO GO GO' echoed throughout Sunhill's radio's. The suspects fled, and Sam and Phil gave chase down the road, shouting into their radio's. A suspect stopped suddenly and turned to face Sam and Phil who stopped in their tracks. He lifted a gun from his pocket and in slow motion pulled the trigger. Sam was sure she could see the bullet travelling toward them, like a shooting star on a clear night.

Sam almost walked straight into Gina as everyone stopped suddenly. Sam's thoughts went back to the shooting star, Phil dived for Sam knocking her to the ground. When she opened her eyes she could see Phil lying on top her ' Hes gonna be loving this' she thought. But as she wriggled her way from him, he turned over, blood pouring from his chest like a ruptured volcano. She could still feel the sticky substance as it pooled around them. Her brain flicked quickly to the next the scene, she was stood at St Hugh's with Jack as the doctor spoke softly. 'Im sorry, we did everything we could but the bullet killed him straight away, he didn't stand a chance.'

_So far away_

_So far away_

_Far away for far too long_

_So far away_

_So far away _

_Far away for far too long_

Sam stepped closer to the crowd that had gathered round, she stood and watched as Phil's coffin was gently lowered into the ground.

_But you know, you know, you know_

_I wanted_

_I wanted you to stay_

_Cause I needed_

_I need to hear you say_

_I love you_

_I loved you all along_

_And I forgive you_

_For being away for far too long_

_So keep breathing_

_Cause I'm not leaving you anymore_

_Believe it_

_Hold on to me, and never let me go_

_Keep breathing_

_Cause I'm not leaving you anymore_

_Believe it_

_Hold on to me, and never let me go_

Sam threw down her handful of soil and single white rose, as she saw it bounce down on the oak coffin she fell to her knees, crying out for him, all the regret and passion building up inside her as she finally whispered, ' I'm so sorry Phil, I should have told you, I should have told you when I had the chance. I love you, I've loved you all along.'

_Keep breathing_

_Hold on to me, never let me go_

_Keep breathing_

_Hold on to me, never let me go._


End file.
